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I was bored recently, so I decided to
pester a friend at work. I called him up. For those of you who think you don't know who Dean Cameron is, let me tell you that you do. If you had cable movie channels growing up, you've seen his work. He's basically the Kaiser of all teen sex comedies that never quite made it to theaters. He was in Ski School. He was in Summer School. Yes, he's that guy. The Pizza guy from Men at Work, in Summer School, he was Chainsaw, who paved the way for poser geeks who go on and on about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. For the most part, if a movie had the words "school," "ski," or "beach" in the title, Dean Cameron was in it. Look him up on the IMDB. You'll find that he usually played someone with the whitest name imaginable. You'll see "Dave," or "Ralph," possibly "Steve." You won't find any listing in which he played "Luthor," or "Clint." As Dave, Ralph, or Steve, he was usually the leader of a gang of misfits who were not interested in doing well in ski school or taking care of the nerdy one's father's house, but having wild parties and getting women's tops off. They set out to break the world and break the rules, and in the process, they learned a little bit about themselves, and each other. This is why Dean Cameron rules. He also rules because he's a big goon.
Let's face facts here: Dean Cameron is not an attractive man.
And he's not an especially charming man in any of his movies.
He comes off as something of a buffoon. He's always saying something
that would get a normal man slapped. But he gets the women, every
time. They can't get enough of him. And Dean's anti-suaveness
made a lot of us who were viewing these films in our formative
years believe that we didn't have to be good looking or particularly
smart to get women to like us; we just needed to be ourselves
and come up with a wacky revenge plot against a crusty headmaster
or lifeguard. And this is the heart of the matter; Dean Cameron
is the everyman, the underdog. He's also the person we all wanted
to be growing up. When we sat in bed, wondering where our lives
might lead, he was the brass ring. He is who he is, and he doesn't
apologize. He doesn't take shit from anyone, and the man who
crosses him will wake up very sorry, in a kiddy pool filled with
pancake batter, look up and see an authority figure standing
over them. They'll scream, they'll vow revenge against Dean Cameron
and his crew, but we know they won't get it. Not until the time
between the end of the film and the start of the sequel. Dean
Cameron is fearless, he isn't afraid to break into the ski lodge
and throw a wild party, then make a few calls to Guam with a
snow bunny sitting on his lap. Don't you wish you could do that?
Come o, to be that cool? Dean was the mutated prototype for Trent
in Swingers. He is a shining beacon, making us strive
to reach our full, meat-headed potential. To hope be the best
goon we can be. Remember: Back here Thursday. Talk about this in the Forums. Go on, I dare you. |
Past Columns: It's Time to Turn in My Geek Card Academy Awards Diary A Sure-Fire Way to Pick Best Actor Future Oscar Death March Clips |