WONDERLAND Rating: (out of 5 stars) Director: James Cox Producers: Michael Paseornek, Holly Wiersma Writers: James Cox, Captain Mauzner (wasn't that a character in Police Academy?), Todd Samovitz, D. Loriston Scott. Director of Photography: Michael Grady Cast: Val Kilmer, Kate Bosworth, Dylan McDermott, Ted Levine, Eric Bogosian, Lisa Kudrow Visit the IMDB page for full cast and crew.

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Review by: Dan Tester
9/21/03

The title of Wonderland is false advertising. There is nothing "wondrous" about it. It is a bleak, boring, and unnecessary look at subject matter that has been covered hundreds of times in the movies, with nothing really new to say. Sure it is based on real events, but so what? These real events are standard movie fare by now. Boogie Nights handled this subject matter so much better in the abstract that nothing more needs to be said on the matter. Just as the real "Wonderland" is a misnomer for the area in which these events took place, Wonderland is a misleading title for such a forgettable retread like this. A better title would have been "Rashomon meets Fourteen Inches."

The Rashomon reference results from the film's structure as an homage (aka ripoff) to the Akira Kurosawa classic; Wonderland tells the true story of a brutal, unsolved mass murder in the early '80s in various flashback vignettes based on different survivor accounts. Each replay varies in perception, but they all involve four things: drugs, money, antique guns, and Johnny Wadd. Johnny Wadd was of course the stage name of porn star John Holmes, but the casual viewer will hardly be able to ascertain the incredible fame he achieved in the adult film business based on the limited development presented here. This movie assumes the viewer knows the entire backstory, so it shouldn't waste any time establishing it. That is kind of important. There are only peripheral mentions of Holmes' legendary X-rated career, and thus there is no connection to his downfall. He is just a doped out loser with a 19-year-old girlfriend and shady buddies who may or may not have been involved in some gruesome murders.

The Wonderland Murders are of course unsolved, and so I can only ask, what is the point of this movie? It doesn't really assign guilt to anyone specifically (each version of the tale is wildly different) and ultimately nothing much is accomplished. It just seems to be another movie that can showcase some gratuitous subject matter with no ultimate goal whatsoever.

Val Kilmer plays John Holmes, the "Leaning Tower of Pisa" of '70s porn, in the decline of his years. It is a very forgettable performance; he plays Holmes as such a loser, such an absolute mess of a human being, that it is hard to figure out why anyone would want to hang out with him at all (although his inner core of buddies is so whacked all the time Charles Manson could have walked in and received bear hugs aplenty.) The entire film is populated with such unlikable people, with absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever, that I looked forward to the murders. Bring it on, I kept thinking. Let's get this over with. There is no attempt whatsoever to connect the audience to any of these people, let alone the "protagonist," John Holmes, and thus the film is completely uninvolving. Are we supposed to sympathize here, or maybe condemn, or maybe just scratch our heads? Guess which one I am going with?

Kate Bosworth is okay as Holmes' underage girlfriend, although I didn't really buy her as the complete mess she is supposed to be; she appears here more like her character from Blue Crush just kind of having, like, a bad week, dude. Lisa Kudrow is ridiculous as the former wife of Holmes who still holds a motherly love for him, but I am not a Kudrow fan at all (I honestly think you could add a llama with bad teeth to the cast of that hideous Friends show and the beast would be guaranteed a three picture deal.) But Kudrow is so bad here, and so unpleasant to look at, that it really struck me -- Phoebe has really hit the wall. (Although, honestly, was there really talent here to begin with, or just a wannabe with a laugh track?) And the rest of the hooligan cast is rounded out with an odd assortment of choices (Dylan McDermott, Natasha Gregson Wagner, Tim Blake Nelson, Janeane Garofalo, etc.) who are all in various degrees of disguise, most virtually unrecognizable. I was shocked to discover after the film ended that Christina Applegate was in this movie. I didn't notice her once.

But there is one real saving grace here in the acting ranks -- Eric Bogosian is absolutely riveting as the shady nightclub owner Eddie Nash, the man that most feel orchestrated the bloody murders in that Wonderland apartment building. It is unfortunate that the filmmakers have relegated the film's most interesting character to what is essentially an extended cameo, but the film really catches fire whenever Bogosian appears. I would have much preferred Wonderland to be a film about the fascinating Nash character, relegating Kilmer's Holmes to supporting status. Now that could have been a movie! They made a really bad creative decision here with material that easily could have been handled more effectively.

The film's production value is passable, but what occurs in its midst is the film's downfall. It was just not interesting to me, and seemed to almost purposely be underachieving. I had a bad feeling right off the bat, as Wonderland begins with one of those cold openings that is supposed to blow the viewer away as the opening credits then blast onto the screen to blaring music, preparing the audience for a roller coaster ride. But Wonderland's cold opening is so anticlimactic, so unmoving, and so silly, that I just rolled my eyes. It concerns Bosworth's character being saved from the mean streets of LA by a wacky bible thumper (Carrie Fisher, who should shoot her agent) and taken to her home. The religious nut counsels her on the errors of her ways, but soon John Holmes storms in to pick up his underage love, and the two lovebirds abscond to the bathroom for some cocaine and sex as Fisher's religious wacko freaks out and calls the two "devil worshippers." The knuckleheads then run to their car, fire up the engine, and squeal away -- cue the opening theme. I actually chuckled out loud to myself. It was a dumb opening, with no energy or creativity, and I immediately felt that nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was in for a long two hours. I was right.

As a pack-a-day cigarette smoker, I have an inner gauge as to the quality of a film -- how much I want to get up and have a smoke. In a good movie, it doesn't even occur to me. In a bad movie, my hand starts to shake. Believe me, I rarely act upon it (the last time was during Gangs of New York when Cameron and Leo started playing kissy-face.) While I ultimately didn't act upon my urges in this case, Wonderland is a movie that inspired me to ponder a Turkish camel more than it did who bludgeoned those losers in that apartment building, all of whom had it coming, anyway.

But as always, it is only one man's opinion.

(A Lions Gate release. Opens in New York and Los Angeles on October 3, 2003. Expands to more cities at later dates.)