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DREAMCATCHER Rating: ZERO STARS Director: Lawrence Kasdan Producers: Lawrence Kasdan, Charles Okun Writer: William Goldman; based on the novel by Stephen King Director of Photography: John Seale Cast: Morgan Freeman, Thomas Jane, Jason Lee, Damian Lewis, Tom Sizemore Visit the IMDB page for full cast and crew |
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Review by: Curtis
Raines
3/23/03
This is probably the worst movie experience I've ever had. At least Pluto Nash was only 90 minutes long as opposed to the 136-minute running time of Stephen King's latest novel-to-movie, Dreamcatcher. Not only was the movie longer than a marathon, but also with the commercials, trailer and the pointless animated short (Animatrix) beforehand, it turned out to be nearly a three-hour excruciatingly painful event.
There are many things I have regretted in life, but telling Warren, "Yeah, I'll review Dreamcatcher," is right near the top of the list. Was this supposed to be a horror movie? I'm not sure if someone farting (literally) an eel with sharp teeth out of their ass is scary or comedic. I'll tell you one thing -- by far the scariest moments for me were the close-ups of Morgan Freeman. Not only do you have to look at about thirty melanoma spots on his face, but also eyebrows that put Martin Scorsese's to shame. These are the most ridiculous set of brows I've ever seen. He has these cotton ball shrubs growing on top of his normal brows that extend about three inches into the air. It's unbelievable. Morgan, I'll buy the chainsaw if you do the trimming. Good Lord.
Have you ever noticed, no matter what, people always say the book is better than the movie? And they always feel that not only is it their right, but also their duty, to divulge this undesired information. You'll ask, "Have you seen Jurassic Park?" They'll quickly come back with, "Yeah, but the book is way better." Personally, I don't give two shits if you've read the book and thought it was better. Am I supposed to think you're smart because you read a lot and get much more out of a book than a movie?
I admit, I usually enjoy the movie more times than not, especially the adaptations of Penthouse Letters. I think they translate to film perfectly. But the one exception I have is Stephen King novels. His books are so rich in content and so developed that two hours of screen time is rarely enough to get everything in. And Dreamcatcher's big mistake is trying to condense a 660-page novel into the longest 136 minutes you'll ever experience. There are so many stories going on that after about thirty minutes, I gave up trying to follow them. I didn't like one thing this movie had to offer. Every possible aspect of it was horrible. It never found its identity and made a mess of things in trying. There is nothing worth salvaging and I am much dumber for seeing it.
I'm not going to extend any more effort
detailing this debacle because it was and is a complete and total
waste of our time. Lawrence Kasdan: your last four movies are
Dreamcatcher, Mumford, French Kiss and Wyatt
Earp. Your career is walking on thin ice (razor thin); time
to take an extended vacation -- ASAP, bud.
(A Warner Bros. Pictures release. Opened wide on March 21,
2003.)
Zero
Stars?!?! Let us know what you think on the message boards.
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