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BULLETPROOF
MONK Rating:  (out of 5 stars)Director: Paul Hunter Producers: Terence Change, John Woo Writers: Ethan Reiff & Cyrus Voris Director of Photography: Stefan Czapsky Cast: Chow Yun-Fat, Seann William Scott, Jamie King Visit the IMDB page for full cast and crew |
 Click on the photo to buy merchandise from Bulletproof Monk. |
Review by: Curtis
Raines
4/20/03
You know what is really fresh about the new action-fighting movie, Bulletproof Monk? It has countless martial art scenes in which our heroes defy gravity and do six spins before landing a jump kick. Oh, I realize every action movie since The Matrix and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon has incorporated this style in their fight scenes, but I tell you, it never gets old. NEVER!!! It's soooooo great!!! There's this one scene where Chow Yun-Fat jumps up, stays suspended in air for two or three seconds and kicks four guys coming at him in different directions before gravity applies and brings him back down to the ground. Seriously, how cool and original is that? I thought I would get tired of it the first 257 times I saw scenes like this, but boy was I wrong. In fact, I think every movie from now on should be required to have at least one scene in which the protagonist defies gravity and kicks someone. I was even fortunate enough to see the L.A. Times Calendar section promo before the movie explaining how they do it for the 38th time. You know the ad I'm talking about -- Ben Affleck narrates it and says, "so and so can turn a brutal street fight into a beautiful ballet." Yeah, whatever.
In all seriousness… I will get up and walk out of any future movie I see that has this done to death, anti-gravity fight style to it. Never in my life have I been so sick of something than I am of that. I wish The Matrix and Crouching Tiger were never made because it simply isn't worth all the rip-offs we've had to endure since. While I was watching Bulletproof Monk and these ridiculous scenes were going on, I wanted to stand up and yell, "How is this entertaining?!!!" But I was too busy shoving down popcorn, so I didn't.
Here is the stupid plot if anyone cares. It's based loosely on the underground comic (very obscure) and is about an immortal Tibetan Monk who possesses a scroll that will give all power to those who speak its words. The movie starts off in 1943 and, of course, the evil Germans (led by the ever so evil Head Nazi, Strucker) find out about this scroll and set off to attain it. Well, our hero Monk (Chow Yun-Fat) vows to protect it. We cut to current day in a big metropolitan city. Monk (who does not age as long as you possess the scroll) is looking for a successor to carry on the duties of watching the scroll (I guess being eternally young is a bad thing). Guess who he finds? And this is where the real fun begins… Stiffler from American Pie. How genius to team a wise Monk (cause Monks are always wise in movies) with a smart-alleck, wisecracking white guy. Oh those crazy writers, they sure do know how to create comedy. I'm laughing right now just thinking about it. And it probably would have been funnier if they hadn't copied Shanghi Noon.
Well, that pesky German is still alive and ticking and ever so determined to get that scroll. Will he get it? You'll have to watch and find out, or I'll just save you time and money and tell you "no, he doesn't" -- either way.
The reason for the one star is plain and simple. Stiffler (Seann William Scott) is actually very talented. The guy does have comedic presence as we witnessed in American Pie. I felt he was the best part of that movie and he is easily the best and only good part of this one. Luckily, the movie does not take itself seriously in any way making it actually bearable to sit through. The scenes with Chow Yun-Fat and Stiffler -- aside from the action -- are somewhat enjoyable and will make you laugh. The big problem is everything else. And I mean everything. Every part of this movie has been done a thousand times and believe me, that's not an exaggeration. There is nothing new and the script is absolutely atrocious to the point where the dialogue is beyond cliché and laughable. The fact that someone got paid a large sum of money to write this recycled crap is troubling. Every line of dialogue from Chow Yun-Fat comes from a fortune cookie. Stuff like… "Before you know who I am, you must know yourself." Literally, line after line of dribble like this for the whole duration of the movie. Chow Yun-Fat even says at one point, "If you believe gravity does not exist, then it does not." Well, I say this to the genius who wrote that profound line of dialogue -- go ahead and believe gravity does not exist and jump off a bridge… my money is on "that gravity does exist."
Maybe I'm being harsh because, truthfully, this genre is not at all for me. But if you love movies where people watch bullets in slow motion zoom by their head or movies with that defy-gravity fight crap, then go see this, knock yourself out. As for the rest of the normal people on the planet, stay far, far away from any theater that shows Bulletproof Monk. It is a colossal waste of time and an even bigger waste of talent in Seann William Scott. If you're reading Seann -- do comedies. You're really funny and good at it.
(An MGM release. Opened in wide release
on April 16, 2003.)
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