We took August off (don't tell anybody), but we're back with our latest top 10. This time the topic is guilty pleasures, so we left our inhibitions and better judgment at the door when compiling these lists. Boo, hiss, laugh, do whatever you'd like, but just make sure to leave a comment or two on the message boards. And, if you're brave, you'll also share your own list with the always-growing legions of loyal CinemaSpeak readers.
See you in October.
Americathon (1979/Dir. Neil Israel): The year is 1999, and America is bankrupt and on the verge of default on a loan from an American Indian billionaire, who will sell the country to the Arabs. The President (John Ritter) comes up with a brilliant idea to raise the billions of dollars to save the land of the free; hold a telethon, or better yet, he announces, an Americathon! This is truly a stupid movie, but was made in the era of the 70's when even stupid movies had a certain charm, and Americathon is one that I can sit and watch any time. Ritter is funny as the President, but it is Harvey Korman as the egomaniacal host of the telethon (in perfect 70's Jerry Lewis telethon mode, complete with tacky jogging suit) who steals the show. Fred Willard, Meat Loaf, Peter Reigert, and many, many more add to the fun, with a rocking soundtrack featuring The Beach Boys, Elvis Costello, Eddie Money and more. Oddly enough, last September after the tragedy of 9-11, Hollywood put on a telethon to raise money for the victims, and it smacked strangely of Americathon's essence. I knew this movie was stupid, silly fun, but visionary? I guess you can decide.
The Big Bus (1976/Dir. James Frawley): Four years before Airplane!, there was The Big Bus, a very funny parody of 70's disaster films. It takes place aboard the first nuclear powered cross-country bus during its maiden voyage from New York to Denver. To be sure, it is not as consistently hilarious as Airplane!, but it is sure funny enough to recommend on a list like this. Joseph Bologna stars as the hero with a bizarre secret, and the bus is full of great character actors like Stockard Channing, Ruth Gordon, Richard Mulligan, Sally Kellerman, Ned Beatty, Larry Hagman, Jose Ferrer and Howard Hesseman. Worth a look if you like these kinds of comedies.
City Heat (1984/Dir. Richard Benjamin): Just the thought of Clint Eastwood and Burt Reynolds teaming up for anything when I was a teen was enough to make me titter with excitement, and in 1984, I got my wish. Clint and Burt play rival gumshoes in 1933 Kansas City, both working on the same confusing case. City Heat is uneven, bulky, clumsy, mostly stupid, but completely watchable. Blake Edwards wrote it and was supposed to direct, but walked off during production and demanded his name be changed to Sam O. Brown in the credits (check the initials). I watched it again recently, just to make sure it still qualified for this list, and although I was a bit let down by my childhood memories, I'll be damned if I could turn it off.
Freaks (1932/Dir. Tod Browning): This is one of the most bizarre films I have ever seen, no doubt for the fact that director Browning uses real freaks of nature for his cast. I have never been able to decide if this is a horror film, social commentary, or black comedy, but my God, it is a great movie. It tells the story of a circus midget who falls in love with a beautiful, statuesque trapeze artist and is nearly poisoned by her in a devious scheme to get his money. Big mistake for her, because the wrath of the freak people is a vicious one, and the unarmed, no-legged, pinheaded, midget army exacts the sort of revenge befitting to one who messes with the unfortunate, resulting in one of the creepiest final moments in cinema history. Either this film was way ahead of its time, or we are just way behind schedule.
The Goodbye Girl (1977/Dir. Herbert Ross): I'm not sure why I feel guilty about liking this film. Maybe it's the cheesy 70's theme song, the sappy romance, or the fact that it is written by Neil Simon. I don't know, but I love the whole thing. Richard Dreyfuss plays a struggling actor, forced to share an apartment with Marsha Mason, a constantly dumped single mother who hates actors. It's a standard type scenario I suppose, but it is Dreyfuss (in one of his very finest performances) that makes this film click. The scenes in which he struggles to portray Richard the III as a flamboyant homosexual, against his better judgment, are truly hilarious, as his career collapses around him. Mason's whimpering grows a bit old after a while, and young Quinn Cummings, as her young daughter, is a bit too "Hollywood" precocious, but it all ultimately melts together in the form of one of my favorite romantic comedies.
Grease (1978/Dir. Randall Kleiser): This is a guilty pleasure that is the result of what I call the "TNT and TBS Connection." I have never rented Grease, and I never saw it in the theater. But TNT and TBS (or any number of cable outlets) seem to keep Grease in constant televised rotation, and I sit and watch every time I stumble upon it. It has great songs, great performances, and just the right amount of energy to keep me entertained every time. My favorite moments are in the big dance sequence toward the end, with the lecherous television host (Edd "Kookie" Byrnes) slithering across the dance floor, overtly hitting on all the teenage girls. A guilty pleasure to be sure, but that's the name of the list, so I am now exposed.
My Best Friend's Wedding (1997/Dir. P.J. Hogan): I really liked this movie. Really, really liked it. And that wasn't supposed to happen. Sorry, but that is all I can say at this time. This immediately following Grease on the list has kind of taken it out of me. I feel so naked and dirty.
Neighbors (1981/Dir. John G. Avildsen): Now I am back on track. This is a very strange film, but one that sucks me in every time I see it. Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi are both cast against type as suburbanites who clash in the strangest of ways. The movie really borders on complete disaster, but walks the line so tightly, that it is amazingly watchable for me.
A View To A Kill (1985/Dir. John Glen): Most would probably consider A View To A Kill to be the worst of the James Bond films, and when compared with the likes of The Spy Who Loved Me or Goldfinger, there is probably an argument. But A View To A Kill is one of my favorite Bond's for one simple reason; it is a live-action cartoon, and completely comfortable within those confines. Roger Moore signed off with this installment, and in my opinion, gives his greatest, funniest performance as Bond. From The Spy Who Loved Me parody opening, the Eiffel Tower sequence, Grace Jones, Christopher Walken, and one of the best Bond themes, A View To A Kill is great popcorn entertainment from the best James Bond there was. I miss you Roger.
What Planet Are You From? (2000/Dir. Mike Nichols): Landing with a thud at the box office, What Planet Are You From? was unfairly ignored, and can be one of those real surprise discoveries as a rental. I am a particular fan of Garry Shandling (Larry Sanders was the greatest thing that has ever come close to a TV screen), so maybe I went in with a certain bias, but I probably laughed more in this film than most other "successful" comedies in 2000. Shandling plays an alien sent from a world inhabited only by men to impregnate an earth female to provide a baby to save his dying world. Unfortunately, they don't prepare him for the "dating rules" and he stumbles about, trying to complete his mission while also struggling with romantic feelings he was not prepared for. Annette Bening is cute as the dysfunctional love interest, John Goodman provides some laughs as the maniacal UFO investigator, and Greg Kinnear, Ben Kingsley, and Linda Fiorentino round out the top-notch cast.
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! (1978/Dir. John De Bello): I believe at one time this was voted the worst film ever made, and I won't take issue with that honor being bestowed upon this movie. I don't know if I could sit through this film in its entirety now, but back in high school Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! spent a lot of time in my VCR. Who can resist a movie that features a talking dog and a cameo by the San Diego Chicken? Not me.
Blood Sucking Freaks (1976/Dir. Joel M. Reed): I know this might be a tease, but please do not see this movie; it's perhaps the single most revolting bit of celluloid I've ever witnessed. I watched this film more times than I'd care to recall during high school, and somehow its depravity was blunted by the laughs my friend Doug and I got out of one of its stars, the dwarf Luis De Jesus. De Jesus (whose name, for some reason, we always mispronounced on purpose) became something of an iconic figure to us, and to think we were totally oblivious to the fact that Little Luis had a diverse career that included much more than just his performance in BSF (read up about him on IMDB). The things you do for kicks when you're a bored teenager in suburban Massachusetts.
The Decline of Western Civilization (1981/Dir. Penelope Spheeris): Some may view this as an important documentary about the early days of the Los Angeles punk music scene, but the reason I think of this film so fondly is purely for its sensational aspects. Yes, you do get to see the savage intensity of hardcore punk pioneers Black Flag (prior to that heavily tattooed, future Gap model joining the band) in all of its raw glory, but the scenes I watched at least 50 times during my teen years all had to do with the segment on The Germs, and their notorious vocalist Darby Crash. Best moment: When one of The Germs' songs comes to a close during a live performance, Crash (ahem) crashes to the floor, completely obliterated by the copious amounts of drugs he consumed prior to the performance. Crash is able to sit up, but clearly has no idea where he is or what he's doing, moving a helpful person on the side of the stage to point to the microphone, lying a few feet from the singer, and instruct (in a voice similar to one used when speaking to a small child or even a dog), "Pick up the mic, Darby. Darby, the mic." And I can't neglect the hilarity of Lee Ving, vocalist of the band Fear (and an actor who had decent-sized roles in 80's flicks Streets of Fire and The Wild Life), berating his audience with barbs like, "What are all you longhairs doing here? It's 1980, can't you afford to get a fucking haircut?"
Dirty Work (1998/Dir. Bob Saget): I was just as stunned as you were when I learned that this film didn't make Sight and Sound's most recent ten best of all time list. Maybe next decade.
Dolemite II: The Human Tornado: (1976/ Dir. Cliff Roquemore): 100 times more entertaining than the vastly overrated original. Comedian Rudy Ray Moore stars as African-American superhero Dolemite, who this time around must battle an evil racist sheriff (Dolemite was sleeping with his wife) and a dangerous crime kingpin named Cavaletti (sp?). After seeing this film, you'll never think of the city of Pasadena again without hearing the words, "At the house on the hill in Pasadena" repeat in your mind ad infinitum.
The Karate Kid III (1989/ Dir. John G. Avildsen): I can't put it any better than Ian did here.
The Last House On The Left (1972/ Dir. Wes Craven): Wes Craven's feature debut is still one of the most disturbing movies I've ever seen. I'm slightly ambivalent about putting this on my guilty pleasures list because 1.) I certainly derive no pleasure from this film and 2.) It actually does hold some filmmaking merit. However, the characters are so completely twisted and Craven doesn't make the slightest attempt to redeem any of them. Craven's bizarre directorial eye and herky-jerky editing rhythm gives the movie the appearance of a low-budget documentary crossed with what I'd imagine a snuff film to look like. It also boasts one of Martin Kove's (a.k.a. John Kreese from The Karate Kid series) earliest performances. If you ever want to clear a room of unwanted guests, pop this in the VCR.
No Retreat, No Surrender (1985/ Dir. Corey Yuen): The Karate Kid meets Rocky IV, with Jean-Claude Van Damme (before he became a star) assuming the Ivan Drago role (the unimaginative screenwriters couldn't even think of a better name for his character than Ivan The Russian). Timothy D. Baker (who you probably remember from later cinematic classics like Bloodfist II and Ring of Fire 3: Lion Strike) turns in one of the most unbelievably atrocious performances ever captured on film. Van Damme isn't much better, but at least the director had enough sense to give him a minimal amount of dialogue. How fame, fortune and the inevitable Oscars escaped J.W. Fails after his star-making turn as R.J. Madison is completely beyond my grasp. The most unintentionally comic film I've ever seen, which includes the requisite terrible 80's sports underdog-movie theme song (think "Eye of the Tiger" or that "You're The Best" song from The Karate Kid). I could watch this movie from beginning to end any day of the week. "Things will be different this time... Russian!"
Rocky III (1983/ Dir. Sylvester Stallone): Easily the best installment of the five-part franchise (with Rocky V coming in a distant second). What makes this film so great? Two words: Clubber Lang (played by Mr. T.). Just about every one of his lines is quotable ("My prediction is pain"), and the scene where he harasses Adrian (Talia Shire) at the unveiling of Rocky's statue sends shivers up my spine. Hulk Hogan is also impressive as Thunderlips "The Ultimate Male" ("The Ultimate Male vs. the ultimate meatball"). For years I've toyed with the idea of writing a script called Lang, which would examine Clubber's life in the aftermath of his being dethroned as heavyweight champion and would answer a question that is at the forefront of many people's minds: Who'd win a match pitting Lang against Ivan Drago? I haven't written the script just yet, but I'm installing Drago as a slight 3-2 favorite, based purely on his reach advantage.
WarGames (1983/ Dir. John Badham): I suppose WarGames is really just a run-of-the-mill 80's teen flick, but I saw it a few times upon its initial release and whenever I come across it on TV, I usually hang in for the duration. Matthew Broderick, Ally Sheedy and Dabney Coleman must try to prevent a computer named Joshua from starting World War III. Depending on the day, WarGames could easily be replaced on this list by Cloak and Dagger, another 80's movie, which also starred Coleman.
Deep Blue Sea (1999/Dir. Renny Harlin): Not the whole film, mind you, but one particular moment puts this into my top ten. When the marine biologists are looking at the shark, and the thing is acting unconscious long enough for Samuel L. Jackson to get his arm near its mouth, and then it chomps it off. The look on Jackson's face puts me on the floor.
Dutch (1991/Dir. Peter Faiman): I like this movie so much that it actually scares me. I honestly believe that if I told everyone I know now that I liked this movie when I first met them, I would not have a friend in the world, be homeless, unemployed, and disowned by my mother.
From Dusk Til Dawn (1996/Dir. Robert Rodriguez): Only because it honestly seemed like such a fun set to work on. Tarantino and Rodriguez were having so much fun hanging out and making a shitty vampire movie, and that translated into the finished product.
The Karate Kid, Part III (1989/ Dir. John G. Avildsen): My love for this film is well documented.
The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996/Renny Harlin): A proud recent addition to my DVD collection. This movie speaks to me on some very basic, idiotic level. Truth be told, I don't think I would like it if not for the comedic brilliance of Samuel L. Jackson.
Real Genius (1985/Dir. Martha Coolidge): This is such a guilty pleasure that I seriously thought most people considered this film a classic, as I do. It was shocking to discover that most people don't really like this movie. I have a theory that Val Kilmer was taken over by a parasitic alien right after this movie wrapped. He hasn't been the same since.
Road House (1989/ Dir. Rowdy Herrington): I suppose this is the definitive guilty pleasure film. It's hard to define what about it makes it this way, but it's nearly impossible to look away. There's just so much to love: Dalton ripping a guy's throat out, Wade Garrett kicking the fat guy in the knee, the entire third act. This film is sheer idiotic brilliance.
Rocky V (1990/Dir. John G. Avildsen): Spectacularly bad, just a train-wreck from beginning to end. If the writer had spent 1/3 the time on the story as he did naming the characters, this would have won Oscars. I'm not kidding. Is there a cooler name than "Union Cane," a character who has a maximum of two minutes of screen time?
Rudy (1993/Dir. David Anspaugh): Say a word and you die. Seriously.
Twister (1996/ Dir. Jan de Bont): One of those films that had one simple purpose: for ILM to show off what they can do with CGI. One of the worst scripts possible in the English language, and cringe worthy performances from everyone involved. And yet, I love it.
The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990/Dir. Renny Harlin): Ford (Andrew Dice Clay) is reminiscing about the past with old buddy Johnny Crunch (Gilbert Gottfried, God's gift to comedy), who tells him for the first time that on the night of their senior prom, he f****d his date. In a voice-over, Ford says, "I hope he's kidding. I took his sister." Now, if you don't find this witty dialogue even remotely funny, then not only isn't this movie for you, but you're a jerkoff, that's what I think of you (sorry, just felt the need to throw out a Dice line). The Adventures of Ford Fairlane is stupid, vulgar and it's incoherent story makes absolutely no sense, but I laughed the whole way through the first ten times and although it's been years since I've had the pleasure, I imagine if I threw it on right now, I'd do the same. This is director Renny Harlin's crowning achievement (which means absolutely nothing) and with a supporting cast that includes Wayne Newton, Priscilla Presley, Morris Day, Robert Englund, Tone Loc and Al Bundy himself, how can you miss?
Clash of the Titans (1981/Dir. Desmond Davis): When I was a kid, this was the coolest movie ever. At the time, I had never seen anything like it (still haven't really) and returned to the theater on countless occasions. I recently purchased the DVD and watched it for the first time in fifteen years. My only thoughts were that I must have been smoking crack as a youth, because it was shockingly bad. But you know what? I enjoyed the hell-out-of-it, especially Ray Harryhausen's old school, stop-motion animation (which I'll take over CGI any day of the week). Clash of the Titans tells an epic tale straight out of Greek Mythology involving the adventures of Perseus (Harry Hamlin), son of Zeus (the great Laurence Olivier in a not-so-great performance). The acting and writing are terrible, but the story is somewhat involving and the amazing creatures that we get to meet along the way are worth the effort. Standouts include the Kraken (a gigantic sea-creature), Pegasus (the flying horse) and Medusa (half-woman, half-reptile, with snakes for hair and a stare that can turn any living creature to stone), still one of the spookiest creations I've seen.
The Jazz Singer (1980/Dir. Richard Fleischer): "Love on the rocks. Ain't no big surprise. Just pour me some drinks and I'll tell you some lies. Yesterday's gone and now all I want is a smile." And a smile is what I get every time I watch this rocking musical about a Cantor's son (Neil Diamond in one of the worst performances of all-time) who leaves his father's temple in New York to become a star in Los Angeles. Acting legend Laurence Olivier (in possibly the worst performance of all-time) plays his disappointed father. The scene where he comes to the West Coast to surprise his son, but is surprised, himself, to find him living with a Shiksa (a non-Jew for those of you not-in-the-know), is one of the great overacted scenes ever filmed. So, what do I like about it? Neil Diamond rocks the house in the rousing musical numbers (especially during the final concert where father and son are reunited to the sounds of "America").
Point Break (1991/Dir. Kathryn Bigelow): I had a hard time putting this on the list because I genuinely think that it's a good action movie. Scratch that; I think it's a good movie. So why do I feel guilty about my love for it? For starters, it's about a surfing cop trying to track down some surfing bank robbers that call themselves the ex-presidents and pull heists wearing rubber masks with faces of guys like Nixon and Reagan. A bit silly, don't 'cha think? What really puts it into guilty territory though is its cast, which consists of Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze (who will makes several more appearances on this list) and Gary Busey. Screw it, this is the last time that I'm going to refer to Point Break as a guilty pleasure. It's great cinema dammit and I'm no longer ashamed to admit it.
Road House (1989/Dir. Rowdy Herrington): This title should be in the dictionary under guilty pleasure since, in my opinion, it's the movie that the term was coined for. Patrick Swayze (once again) stars as the number one bouncer of a rowdy redneck bar who alternates his time between bedding hot chicks and fighting (some of the best fist fights ever filmed) crazy rednecks. Everything about this white trash classic screams guilty pleasure and if these ten movies were ranked in any kind of order, Road House would probably be number one.
St. Elmo's Fire (1985/Dir. Joel Schumacher): The consensus has always been that the good brat pack movie is The Breakfast Club and the bad one is St. Elmo's Fire. While I'll be the first to admit that the former is a much better movie, I've always liked the latter equally. The Little Chill (a title I once heard St. Elmo's referred to as) follows a group of college friends trying to deal with life after graduation. Judd Nelson and Ally Sheedy are lovers having commitment problems, Emilo Estevez spends his time obsessing over an older woman (Andie MacDowell), Andrew McCarthy (how did this guy become a star?) is secretly in love with Sheedy (although everyone thinks he's gay), Rob Lowe is still boozing, drugging and screwing around (even though he has a wife and infant) and Demi Moore is the manic depressive that everyone spends their time worrying about. Basically, it's like spending two hours with a bunch of moping losers who are trying to find their lot in life. Fortunately, I like these losers and I love spending time with them all (well, except for McCarthy). Check out the DVD if for no other reason than the John Paar music video for Man in Motion.
Two Moon Junction: (1988/Dir. Zalman King): Sherilyn Fenn naked (we're talking, all the way naked) for half of the running time. What else needs to be said, except that this is by far the worst movie on my list and the most highly recommended.
Uncommon Valor (1983/Dir. Ted Kotcheff): Braddock is a wimp. Rambo blows sheep. Both of these guys went back to Vietnam to try and rescue our soldiers in Missing in Action and First Blood Part II respectively, but Gene Hackman did it first and he did it the best. In Uncommon Valor (one of the most rented movies of my childhood), Hackman gathers all of his old buddies for one last mission; the rescue of his MIA son back in 'Nam. This group of overage and out-of-shape losers train, load up on some heavy artillery and walk into a prisoner-of-war camp ready to kick some ass. The premise is ridiculous and the action scenes are laughable, but there's something about this movie that I just love. And, yes, Patrick Swayze co-stars as a young soldier (who the others cleverly refer to as Rookie) who helps put the men through their paces in order to ready them for their mission.
Young Guns (1988/Dir. Christopher Cain): Six reasons why the west was wild (and why I consider one of my favorite westerns to be a guilty pleasure): Emilio Estevez, Kiefer Sutherland, Lou Diamond Phillips, Charlie Sheen, Dermot Mulroney and Casey Siemaszko.
Youngblood (1986/Dir. Peter Markle): Dan Tester, you can have your Slap Shot,
I'll take Youngblood any day of the week. Rob Lowe stars
as Dean Youngblood in this Rocky inspired hockey movie
about a guy struggling to be the best. This movie rules. The story
is uplifting, the male bonding stuff is touching and the hockey
scenes are amongst the finest ever filmed. Don't even get me started
on the amazing final fight between Youngblood and Rackie (one
of the great villains of the 80's). The cast includes Keanu Reeves
(with his second appearance on the list) as the goalie and Patrick
Swayze (for the fourth and final time if your counting) as the
team leader and best friend to all. For the record: I don't even
like Patrick Swayze, but I have to give him his props for being
in some of the coolest movies ever made. Damn, I feel guilty for
saying that and I apologize. Not!
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